I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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