He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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