Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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