i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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