You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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