Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
