my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
