Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
