my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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