You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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