I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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