WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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