he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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