Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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