saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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