So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I forget how to act sober
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I did not marry a roomba.
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