...so i touched it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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