is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
