Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
