I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
