I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
