Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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