Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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