Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
