Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
vagina is talking i cant
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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