don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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