Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
