My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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