just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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