Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
