So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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