I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
