3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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