They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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