I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
