im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
