..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
