So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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