well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
