Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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