Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
