I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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