accomplished twins. life is a go
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize