my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
