I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
