Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I didn't notice because vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
