I'm lost and stupid without you.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
