Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
nutella sex= disaster
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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