Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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