Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
