atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
