I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
