so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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