Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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