I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
