I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
