Joe is yelling at the trees again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
