You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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