Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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