speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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