# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
