highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think my moral compass just broke
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
