he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
