i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
