This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
