You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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