You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize